This year's ASH Wednesday was a little different than the last few years have been. I say the last few years because the first year I celebrated Lent was in 09 while going through the RCIA program while pregnant. The following year I was all ready to "give something up and spend more time in prayer." Which I did and I defiantly grew closer to God. And the same with the next year. This year is different.
This last year in general has been a little bit of a life changing year and I have had a few conversions in a short period of time. We recently decided to be Open to Life, Am now pregnant and due May 6th(the day after Vivi's First Communion), and we have decided to homeschool and started this past November. All this while living in a two bedroom condo and a toddler jumping off the walls while I nest.
But with that, Lent snuck up on me BIG time!! But I also discovered what Lent is really about and this year it has taken a very deeper meaning to me. I didn't decide what I was giving up until the night before and with today being the first day of Lent, I have to say that I honestly wasn't ready for Lent until NOW! My heart was not prepared for it.
My daughter, who we call "Vivi" on here, is now 7 and learning about Lent in CCD and I have touched upon it on the surface and have not really got into the deep meaning of it with her. ANd it just hit me... I am supposed to be homeschooling!! Why have I not made more of a preparation of Lent until now. We did talk about it a little bit and she did give the idea up of not watching TV during the day during Lent but then asked me if she could watch a movie in the middle of the day. ha ha So we will see how tomorrow goes.
We were able to all go to Mass this morning together as a family and it was wonderful! The kids were so excited to receive their Ashes and did great in a packed Church. And today was just one of the most beautiful days of the season we spent most of it outside. We even did some school outside. We really did enjoy the day. Later in the afternoon I got our Family Lent book in the mail that I ordered a few weeks ago. I was so excited to get it in today on the first day of LENT! I knew this book would be perfect for our family the season.
Once I saw this I knew I was getting a little more closer to where I should be. Everything has been so busy lately where I just haven't had time or a moment to really set my heart and mind straight. Last night after a suggestion from my Husband it hit me...I knew what I was going to give up and it was not going to be easy. I will touch up on what it is and why in another entry but let's just say for now that this has taken up my heart and mind and placed itself in place of where God should be inside of me lately....And after reflecting on this and how I could let this happen without truly realizing it was a little heart breaking. But it was true..it had become my obsession....where the Lord should be my obsession instead. SO this year (And i am still working on accepting this) is really about me giving up my WANTS and what I think I have been NEEDING and really giving that decision to God. There are a few things that helped me realize this today. One came from this book that I picked up off a single Catholic Titled shelf in a Christian bookstore the other day. And so far, I am loving this book. It is...
In this there is a quote from John Charles Ryle saying, " Remember what I say: if you would cleave to earthly pleasures, these are the things which murders souls...." That in itself hit me like a ton of bricks and it goes on to say, " There is no surer way to get a seared conscience and a hard impenitent heart, than to give way to the desires of the flesh and mind." He later quotes 1 Peter 2:11 with, " abstain from fleshly lusts, which wages war against the soul." And this is exactly what has happened to me. My heart has hardened and I realized my time in prayer and reflection has decreased without knowing it. I gave up, although I feel my mind still trying to hang onto, something that I subconsciously decided I didn't want to wait for God to make happen and that I NEEDED to find a way to make it happen on my own.
And thank God for my Husband speaking out to me something I knew in my heart that I needed to give up. He said it out loud and it took a day to admit it and truly see what it has taken from me. And now I know this is what I have to do!! This Lent will be another life changing event for me again, I can feel it. Because once again, I find myself on my knees giving it all up to him and wanting nothing but Him.
LENT
Prayer. Fasting. Almsgiving. Repentance. Forgiveness. Mercy. Sacrifice... And a gift of suffering for Lent.
A gift of Suffering..... "The Sacrifice you desire is a broken spirit. You will not reflect a broken and repentant heart, O God." Psalm 51:17
So although it took me an extra day to really get ready for Lent...I am now there and hopefully tomorrow's posts will be of all the wonderful things we did to celebrate day 2.
On another note... My Husband added a quick entry on his day. Here it is....
My first day of lent was amazing! I was able to go to church with my whole family and we were all able to share the experience of getting ashes together. Little Optimus was so excited that some ash got on his hands. Vivi was an angel in church and got complimented after mass for being so good. After mass I went to work and at first I didn't want to have ash on my forehead because I didn't know what my customer's would think. But after praying about it I wore a smile on my face and wore the ash proudly to work. I'm so glad I did. My co-workers were asking me about lent and Ash Wednesday and what it meant. One of my clients even did the sign of the cross in front of me. ha ha. It was a great day. It was so beautiful outside there were butterfly's all around my truck. So while I fasted today I know my angels were watching over me. Fasting was hard at some points but I got through it and I'm so glad I did it.
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